My current 'meal plan'

Hey!

So, at the moment, I need to put on about 2 kilos to get to around my goal weight. It seems like I'm so close but at the same time there's this voice in my head that screams fat whenever 'goal weight' is mentioned. 

When I was in hospital, we had proper meal plans etc, but at home with mum and dad deciding all my food and stuff the sort of just work it out and see if it's enough when I get weighed, although half the time that's unreliable because I'll gain a kilo and then lose 500g in the same amount of time eating the same thing...

I thought if share just what I normally eat I a day at the moment. Sometimes it's changed up a bit but the energy content remains pretty much the same.

Breakfast:

-1 sachet of uncle Toby's oats with 1/4 skim milk and 1/2 cup water

- 1 piece wholemeal toast with butter

- Banana and Berry Smoothie

- 1 boiled egg

Morning Snack:

- 1 piece of fruit

- 1 tub yoplait yoghurt

- a container of nuts and seeds (don't know how much so here is a picture)

Lunch:

- 2 pieces of wholemeal bread

- chicken (probably about 75g) or a serving of cheese

- salad and hummus

(This is today's lunch, a bit different from normal but I'm making the most of having an oven at home during the holidays)

Afternoon snack:

- 1 piece of fruit

- 120g approx. bulla frozen yoghurt

- 2 weetbix with hot water (sounds gross but it's so good)

Dinner:

- whatever mum cooks (last night it was shepherds pie, and though I hate admitting it, it was so yummy!)

Dinner is normally my least favourite meal of the day. I love cereals and breakfast foods so that's probably my biggest meal of the day after dinner :)

So what do you guys think? I know metabolism slows down during starvation and when I was in hospital I ate a lot more than this so I don't know how much I really should be eating... I think I might ask mum to go to the dietician at the hospital just once to ask her what she thinks.

Anyway, talk later xx 

Day 10 - List 5 goals you have for yourself, short-term or long-term.

Goals...it's funny. Before having anorexia I was such a disorganised person. My room was a mess and I was always losing things. My school uniform, bus and train passes, phone, iPod and my clothes were always going missing, but that hasn't been the case for a while. Whether that's because my mums constant reminding finally got through to me, I am more mature now or having an eating disorder has made me more anxious and perfectionistic, I don't know. So I didn't used to really have goals but now that I'm almost 17 and my life is sort of becoming new independent, I do have some things I am aiming for. 

Short term:

1. Get rid of anorexia!! 

2. Go well in my final high school exams next year

3. Get into a university course that I love

4. Get my red P's (my provisional drivers license meaning I can drive on my own)

5. Think of a business idea (I really want to start my own business. Any suggestions would be great!)

Long term: 

1. Have a family

2. Get a job that I love

3. Have enough money to live on

4. Make a difference in as many peoples lives as I can

5. Bring more awareness to what eating disorders are, and get rid of this 'wanting to be skinny' stigma

So that's what I can think of on the spot. There's probably way more than that but there you go! :) these goals aren't really in order but the one at the top of each list is definitely the most important! 

I love spring!!!

Day 9 - Who do you look up to? Why?

I don't really have one person that I look up to... I don't really know why but I've never had that one hero. Maybe it's because nobody is perfect and if don't believe anyone is better or worse than anyone else. We should learn to accept and appreciate everyone for who they are, and not praise one particular person or type of people.

In saying that, there are a LOT of people I consider role models and look to for different things in life. For people that actually know, the people I look up to are:

1. My parents 

2. My grandparents

2. My older cousins

3. People i know who are really strong and have endured a lot of pain

4. Everyday heroes- kind, generous people who live for others. 

5. People who are ambitious and work hard to get where they are in life.

Then in terms of famous/significant people, a few are:

1. Nick Vujicic (not sure if that's how it's spelt haha but he's this guy that was born without arms and legs and he's so inspirational)

2. Miranda kerr (I used to look at her and just want to lose weight so I could have her bod, but now I see that she advocates self-confidence no matter your size etc)

3. Jennifer Lawrence (she's just awesome and sassy and great!)

4. People like nelson Mandela and Martin Luther king

5. Robyn Lawley (she's a plus size model from Australia and she's happy in her body and so beautiful)

6. Anyone who has recovered from an eating disorder (izzy from lifewithoutanorexia has been an inspiration to me in particular)

I'm always looking for more to join this list so if anyone actually reads this post, comment who you look up to! Have a great day :) 

Day 8 - If you could go back in time (before your addiction/disorder) what would you tell yourself?

This is a really hard question, because I didn't really know what was going on when I got anorexia. I just started having these feelings that was I was eating wasn't ok anymore, but I didn't know why. For a while I ignored the thoughts but they became stronger and I started to feel bad about myself, and not eating seemed to be the only thing that made me happy...

If I could go back, even though I don't think I'd listen, I'd say that size doesn't matter and eating whatever you feel like is worth more than any supermodel figure. I wish I could go back to the time when I was just a carefree happy teenager who enjoyed life, but I can't. I'm still learning to cope with the fact that I can't just snap my fingers and make the thoughts disappear. Instead, I must be strong enough to overcome the thoughts at every meal. 

I don't know why this happened to me... But I hope that out of it I will learn things about myself and life that are really valuable and I can use to help others :)

Favourite movie

My favourite movie of all time would have to be Bride and Predjudice. I love musicals, and Bollywood movies are so colourful and happy!💃

My dad thinks it's super annoying and refuses to let me but it but I must've seen it at least 50 times hahahaha 

From when I was little I've always wanted to be in a musical, because I absolutely love singing and dancing, but I've always been to afraid to do one (I have this fear of everyone thinking I'm terrible...😁)

India is a place I really want to visit. It would be such an amazing cultural experience. I also really want to go to South Africa! The only issue is money... Better get studying so I will be able to afford all this travel 😝

P.S I love pineapple and just all summer fruit. Berries, watermelon, bring it on! ☀️

Day 7 - What are 2 things you want? What are 2 things you need

I'm finally on holidays, which brings a wave of relief but also quite a bit of anxiety as my normal routine is disrupted...anyway, I'm determined to enjoy myself relaxing anyway :) 

Two things I want:

1. To be able to eat intuitively and not think about it and not feel horrible afterwards

2. To get my period back (haha, for so long I wished it would go away, and now look at me)

Two things I need:

1. Family (without them, I wouldn't be here, and probably wouldn't want to be here)

2. Food (hate to admit it, but it's true 😜)

Anyway, I'm staying in this beautiful apartment on the Sunshine Coast in Queensland ☀️ Getting a tan 👍 the best way to start spring!

Day 6 - Write a letter to someone who has harmed you or has made youfeel bad.

One thing I absolutely hate about getting an eating disorder is that it makes me an angry person, which I'm not. I was always the last one to shout, and I was more passive, happy-go-lucky than demanding and irritated, which is how I often am now.

Because of this, I know I have harmed a lot of people (or anorexia has... I don't even know which is which sometimes) and nobody gets everything right, least of all me. I don't want to hold grudges because there has been a lot of hostility in my family due to people holding grudges, and I've seen the effects it has on relationships.

Everyone makes mistakes, that's what makes us human. It's what someone does now that matters. So that is why I don't want to write a letter to someone who has harmed me :)