I'm back

I haven't blogged in ages.... It's been holidays here in Australia and I've just been super busy. Today is the first day back to routine and school so I thought I should probably get back into this as well.

Unfortunately I'm only going to school for the first two days though. After that I'm going to a new day program for a term. I still haven't told my school friends that I'm going because I've never actually told them what I have, even though they probably already know from seeing me/visiting me when I was first in hospital/ going out to eat with me... I think I'm just so ashes of myself that I can't actually bring myself to say it.

I'm afraid they'll think I just wanted to be really skinny or that I'm different now and can't be the person I was before... So I have to figure out today what I'm going to tell them tomorrow. 

I'm also really worried about how my school work will be affected by going to the program. It's my final year at school and my school is really academic. We only do three hours of school at the program compared to 6 at normal school. I'm coming first in English so far and doing really well in everything else and I don't want my schoolwork to suffer. Plus year 12 has heaps of fun stuff and I don't want to miss out on doing stuff with my year group.

Now comes the bad food part of the program. We went in to the hospital yesterday and they we're saying "she needs to be challenged a lot more" which I really really don't want. Plus they make you have takeaway once a week!!!! I'm freaking out so I've been minimising this week because I'm so worried I'm going to go way over. That and I know it's stupid but I don't want people thinking I'm not sick enough to be there....

So yeah just my messed up thoughts for this morning. Have a lovely day :)