Day Program Day 1

So the day program sort of started today. Well not exactly as the firs four days this week are a family therapy thing. There's 8 families and you go during the day. Your parents are in charge of the food etc. I thought I might tell you guys a bit about how it went... (I got an ulcer on my tongue!) 

So first I went and got weighed this morning. I've gone up 3 kilos in a week and five days and I was still missing some things so I'm sort of freaking out. when I got weighed a week and a half ago it was a surprise weigh in and I was dehydrated and wearing something really light so I get it should have gone up a bit but not that much! Aahh it's so bad but I guess it's gotta go up some way or another so I'm trying to stay calm and keep doing what my parents are saying. 

Although at this program there's the added pressure of other girls being there that are skinnier than me :( it doesn't make anorexia happy and I feel really bad about myself. However I am trying to turn these thoughts into positive ones that I am one step closer to recovery and freedom. 

The actual program was ok... Most of the girls are a bit younger than me and the two that are my age aren't really similar to me but oh well, im sure we'll find some common ground over the next ten weeks. 

Dinner tonight made by Grandma: corned beef and potato and veggies 

Today we all talked about how anorexia was affecting our family and then the kids and parents split up and we went and drew anorexia and then did a thing where we wrote to ourselves from a year in the future where everything is going great. It was good to do these activities I guess but it didn't make eating any easier.

It doesn't help that the parents are all talking about food behind our backs. I feel really disconnected and like everyone is trying to force things on me that I'm not ready to do yet and it's making me resent my parents and stuff which I really don't want. 

I might upload a picture of my anorexia and my letter to myself later :) 

It was also weird because I'm the only one with younger siblings and the only one with more than two siblings! Only two other girls brought 1 sister so it was a bit embarrassing and too much to deal with having three tween/teen siblings who don really get it there, so only my 15 year old sister is coming tomorrow. 

Here's some photos of me from the other day to make this post more interesting :)