One thing I find really hard to deal with is comparing myself to others al the time. I'm trying to stop this habit as I know it is only adding fuel to a fire that is probably based in something that isn't reality anyway, and I hate thinking of my friends this way, but the first thing I look at and think about when they're walking towards me is how skinny they look, and how much fatter than them I am. Then I start the whole "the doctors and my parents are making me fat and that's not fair when my friends are so skinny" which is silly and pointless because the fact of the matter is that I haven't got my period back, so obviously my body still needs more, at least initially to give it a boost...not that I'm particularly happy about that.
Being from an area near the beach with kid from high socio-economic backgrounds can be challenging at times because there is a lot of focus on appearance, fitness and achievement. Being good isn't good enough, you have to be extraordinary to stand out. But I've learnt throughout my experiences with anorexia that striving to be perfect at things all the time will just lead to depression and lack of will to do anything, because achievement doesn't add anything to your value as a human being, although the recognition is nice at the time. What is more important and valuable is being true to who you are and trying to make a positive difference in the lives of everyone you cross paths with, and no one ever said you had to be super skinny, pretty, or the worlds fastest runner to do that :)
I had a random burst of positivity this evening after finishing all my English work. It feels so good to have one less thing to do!
My 13 year old brother is getting into cooking. Not bad for a first attempt custard tart from scratch
One day I shall learn to love these legs...
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