At first I was really freaked out about it all because I was scared about dinner but I've been having to have massive dinners to put on weight anyway so that made the night a bit easier. I ate some noodles, dim sum, duck and pork, and some fruit for desert.
It was a this really nice asian restaurant and we had a lovely French chef which was cool. I took my dad and sister and I think they really enjoyed it because I didn't freak out or start crying or having s panic attack in the middle of the restaurant.
I didn't really want any of the food but I'm slowly starting to realise that as much as I hate food, I have to stop convincing myself that I don't need it to survive, because it's a basic fact of life that I do.
Then, as I was having a shower, I thought you know what, who is proud of me when I lose weight and look super skinny. Me. That's it, everyone else is sad and disappointed. I used to be so worried about what other people think and I still am, but the one thing that anorexia tells me they want in order to accept me what isolates me from other people.
Here are some photos of tonight:
the food looks delicious and you look fantastic! and guess who is gonna look even more fantastic,beautiful and happier when they fully recover? YOU! so don't give up! and Proud of you for being able to eat dinner calmly/peacefully haha ;) xx
ReplyDeleteGood job Rachel!!!!! I am sooo proud of you!!! We'll done on eating out without panicking!! It is a big step in the good direction :) I hope your recovery is not too tough on you as I know it is extremely hard!! Stay string my friend, I know you can do it!!
ReplyDeleteLots of love
Livvy xoxox
Ps you you look really good in those photos :) really pretty and healthy :) keep up the good work :) xoxo