The reason that I'm terrified is that I'm worried my friends are going to make me a cake or something. I know that saying no will hurt their feelings but I've already asked them not to get me any food and I know I won't be able to eat it... If they do I know they won't be intentionally hurting me. I mean how can I expect them to understand it and I love them exactly how they are, not treating me differently. But I am really worried because I don't know what to do/say if that situation arises...
Also, with presents, and maybe this is with growing up as well but I have very particular tastes (I'm a bit perfectionistic) and If I get a present that isn't either really useful and productive or something I really wanted/needed I get a bit disappointed, which is really just a bit selfish when people have gone to to much trouble, so I'm working on that one.
The other thing making me a bit down about the whole birthday thing is that we have a family tradition of picking a dinner on our birthday. Mum asked me tonight if I had any ideas and I just started crying and told her that i would love to have no dinner. Just the feeling of having an empty stomach would feel so good, I swear it actually feels like a high, it's like endorphins after exercise. But I know this isn't healthy so just a lot of inner turmoil at the moment
It was so windy outside my window this morning, just like my mind is a lot of the time
I want to get my hair a bit lighter but mum doesn't want me to colour my hair : (
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