Day 21 - What was your ‘rock bottom’? How did you overcome it?

The thing with having anorexia is that it completely devalues very part of you apart from your weight and physical appearance. So, when that is taken away (or so it seems when you are putting on weight in recovery), it pretty much feels as though everything is worthless and you are a failure as a person and you might as well be dead. In fact, there have been times when I thought that being dead would be better than being alive, because I wouldn't have to face eating every day and I would have to see people that either knew about what I had or would see me as "fat".

I can't really identify one particular point where it was the worst, although it was probably either when the doctor told me what I had or at some point where I just wanted to lose weight and give it all up. When I was told I had anorexia, I felt like the whole of who I was had just been taken away and instead I was reduced to a stereotype. I had this perception that was based in ignorance that anorexia was just people who really wanted to be skinny, and I'd only ever heard of two people who had it, and they were just friends of friends. I didn't see it as an illness, more like just a really shallow and superficial mindset. 

So when someone told me I had it, I first thought no way! I'm just really healthy. I still eat and I feel so good. I hadn't even realised I was afraid of food because I had just chosen what I wanted (really healthy stuff) and no one really questioned me. It was only when the less healthy hospital food was served up to me I began to realise just how much of a problem I did have.

Back to the topic of this post, I wouldn't say I have had one low point, just times where I feel like everything is hopeless and life will never be normal again because I have had this...

On a positive note, I went out to dinner las night with my netball team which was really nice. Here's a picture of my outfit :)